Emotions

what is really bothering me? why am i letting it?

i don't know what is it. maybe its the way you expressed it that makes me feel bitter, maybe i felt inferior, maybe its because I've never seen anything written like that about me that I'm actually jealous?? (this is bullshit) or maybe its just because I'm just so not confident about the big four letter word and ultimately myself.

I'm so bitched i read your online diary, which you supposedly hid it as stated of in blogger. like it's there duh. who wouldn't read? but why am i so insecure? why why why? i don't wanna feel like that too you know, but its just there. she haunts me and this is very scary because she is non existent in our lives, like you said and i know. I'm losing sleep over this. I'm so paranoid i hate it. i wanna go to bed and pig out too. why am i so bothered! i thought i could forgo it. it's your freaking past my goodness sake. i constantly tell myself everybody has a past of their own. then i thought bout it and the last entry was so close to when we got together. is this a sign of you being shallow or was i your spare stand in girl? you might say no but i feel that way strongly no matter how much i trust you. the more it occurs in my mind the more deceived i feel. you should know how i feel. you'll hate that feeling too.

): somebody strip these emotions off me please.

fuck i probably have depression and i feel terrible+somewhat childish. am i?

dammit. I'm hungry, i can't sleep and Deric just showed me some really ugly Chanel. Twas disgusted, hello! replica and obscene. urgh my gag reflex is acting.

Project Runway Episode 10 is out! Suede is eww in this challenge, that jacket! my god please forgive him. xO

the few things I'm actually happy about are (nope, nothing to do with ANTM or PR) the date with my boy yesterday @ Vivocity (despite several hiccups). he bought me an army green cap from Pull&Bear! lol and i saw Mr YG china boy too, not letting me and boy in AX. tsk. another, me buying a high waist shorts at $18(with discount). i'm thinking of a skirt too, high waist A-line/pencil skirt. i have so many ideas about what i can do with it! tons of tops are going to see the light with it. I'm in an ultimate excitement state.

maybe i should let it go, grab a small bite and go to bed. these thoughts shall end with this post. i still love and this is ultimate crap. (are you counting the number of 'ultimate' i mentioned in this post? hahaha!) this paragraph sounds pathetic enough.

Zul i need to talk to you about anything, i feel i can pour everything and you'll be okay with it, will you? =[ i know it sucks to work but it's the only time you come online. go to work everyday okay! =x haha no i want my dear friend to get rest i'm just kidding. (baby would say choose a finger.)

ciao. i need to be in bed.