When you feel like nothing... but a failure

and so its not 2 months but weeks. do i feel better? should i?

all i can feel now is failure. not just in my results but everything. everything that i thought i was supposed to be good in and plus those i already suck badly at. all added up to making me feel like a complete loser. maybe i am not working hard enough to overcome and improve but im lost. what can i do?

studies, relationships and my mind. i don't feel a bit good bout any of these. i'm a rude, complacent and self consious negative person. tell me one, just one word to describe something good bout me.

do not say voice cos im going nowhere with it. i've nothing now. do not say family cos im just another brat. do not try to say you know how i feel cos you never will and i too never will know how others feel.

but you can ask yourself, have you ever felt like giving up and that no one can really help? thats the worse you can feel. if you're in that situation and you dont care, you rot but at least you feel like a bird.

carefree.

i've discovered my recent entries to be as pessimistic and negative and suicidal as i can be. it aint new to me i guess. i remember what i did with a handkerchief when i was still young. no scars and instant.

i want to feel happy again. true, from deep within me and others about me too. am i overreacting? or psychotic..

why is it so hard to satisfy myself and others? i have too many questions unanswered.

sometimes i wonder how it would be like if i've never knew you, never fell in love with you, never sat here typing this with your com. maybe i wouldn't be sitting here but somewhere above..

hahaha i sound like i need a shrink. dont worry im fine and pressing on. (:

p.s.
no point for regrets i know. school is great!

p.p.s
i'm gonna work in the IT comex fair! hahahah.

xoxo
love love all*